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How and Why You Should Embrace Your Flaws
I went on a walk tonight. I found myself drawn into the lyrics of “In Disguise” by Ashe, a new favorite female artist. She touched on this topic of embracing your flaws:
I rather be hated for who I am
Than waste it all giving a damn
You better find out who your friends are in disguise
I’ve been thinking about personal acceptance a lot lately. It’s a regular (almost vital) internal dialogue as a blogger, as an entrepreneur, and as a very single 30-something attending very many weddings this year. Comparison is nearly impossible in these arenas. I’m regularly confronted by my own flaws… I have a bad habit of overindulging, which always has repercussions. I have a poor history of dating under qualified partners. My bank account hasn’t reflected the effort I’ve put into my career. I can’t ever seem to hit my health goals. My eczema drives me fucking insane and is a constant eyesore to me.
Why does this matter?
The more women hold ourselves up next to each other, I see that it gets harder for myself and my peers to keep our heads up. Side by side, we can bring ourselves down. It’s our own doing many times. My conclusion from much consideration lately: Why not use comparison as a source of empowerment instead of stress? How much more powerful can we all be?
Despite my growing awareness of my personal flaws, I’m still really happy. I’m possibly happier than I’ve been in my life. As I work more with incredible women like Becca (pictured here), my interns, and new clients, I find myself explaining my weird habits and tendencies. I even find myself defending them! It’s always uncomfortable at first. I see people shift their stance and look down. I scratch my neck when I’m uneasy.
At the end of the day, though, this regular practice of acknowledging and sharing my flaws allows me to communicate more directly with everyone. They, in return, communicate and work with me more easily. the result: I’m more fulfilled and more productive. More importantly, I’m more alive. I live my life with fewer apologies. I work harder, but with less effort. We all benefit in the long run.
Below are a few ways you can work toward not only accepting, but embracing and leveraging your flaws. Do it for yourself, your business, and for the people around you.
1. Look at your flaws as your greatest assets.
I say this for two reasons. One, acknowledging your flaws is an opportunity to focus more precisely on improving yourself. I’m working on myself with more exactitude lately. I’m shining a bright light on myself in areas I don’t like. For example, I’m educating myself about money and finances in a number of ways as mentioned in this blog post. I have already surprised myself in conversations by making smart finance references. I would have NEVER done that if I hadn’t acknowledged my flaw and took it on head first.
Secondly, by being different, you bring more value to the world, professionally and personally. By having something different than other people, you can fill in gaps where others will fall short. It may not always be fun being different, but you’ll bring more to table you are.
2. Give other people affirmations.
Compliment people. All the time. Trust me. The more you affirm others of their positive traits, the more you’ll witness the impact it has on them. Two things will happen as a result: you’ll get more open affirmation as a result. You’ll then feel more condiment, as I shared in this article. The second thing that will happen is that you will train yourself to offer up affirmations to YOU. If you told Miss Thing she was a great speaker at work today and it made her smile, you may find yourself telling Miss YOU that you actually are way cute because your funky ass hair has a mind of its own.
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3. Remember that other people are self conscious, too.
As a result, they’ll work to build themselves up and potentially break you down in the process. Don’t take their critiques personally, unless they’re honest and worthy. Their perception is skewed. It is tainted. it is impacted by their personal, unrelated experiences. In Don Miguel’s The Four Agreements, he lays out four agreements we can make with ourselves to live more peaceful and fulfilling lives. The second agreement is to never take anything personally. He writes:
All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
4. Make a plan.
Some perceived flaws we can change. Others we cannot. For those that we can change, there’s an opportunity to address your flaws head on. This involves using the fear you have about a flaw and channeling it to create change in your life. It will be uncomfortable, no doubt about it. Treat it like a another project, though. Make a list, a timeline, a goal. If your finances are in trouble, create a road map to success. Force yourself to improve. If your health is dismal, it’s never too late to transform your habits. I know from working in substance use recovery for four years that it takes a lot of work to change habits, especially those you’ve had for a long time. However, you CAN change your behavior patterns. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. When you’ve done the hard work, you come out of the other side even more empowered than before. Then, you can give more to the world around you.
5. Ask yourself it’s really a flaw.
What about those flaws you can’t change? Start with why you think it’s a flaw. I’d refer you back to No. 3 on this list. Is it a flaw because other people perceive it as a flaw? Sometimes you have to rethink your opinion of yourself. Stop looking at your characteristics from an imaginary person’s point of view. Forget what your mom always repeated to you. Don’t hold yourself up next to Miss Thing or Miss That. Different doesn’t mean bad. Perhaps, it’s not a flaw at all.
More from Ashe:
Take a seat
Take a hit
Gotta learn to breathe
Then the only thing you’ll have to do
Is follow your heart in the end
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